Never date a guitarist.
So, lately I’ve been hearing the same thing from all the ladies I talk to: “Dustin, how do I find a good man? I just want someone who loves me a treats me like a princess.”
Well, ladies. I’m glad you asked.
When it comes to finding a man to hug and kiss, there’s really only one rule you need to follow: stay far, far away from guitarists.
How to identify a true guitarist (and avoid him):
1) Every guitarist either currently has long hair, or has had a long bitter love affair with long hair.
2) Guitar-specific injuries.
Scars/ open wounds/ rashes to look for on a guitar player:
- Callouses on the fingertips of the left hand
- Holes in the shirt near the waist
- Marks/ cuts on the back of the left hand, usually from hitting a capo too hard while playing
- Sore muscles and knots on the left shoulder
3) Rock Band/ Guitar Hero Rule of Thumb: If they’re good at fake guitar, they suck at real guitar. It is impossible to be good at both.
4) Don’t worry about the guys that wear the Fender shirts they bought at Nordstrom. Those guys may play guitar, but they’re just hobbyists. They’ll never play professionally. This also applies to anyone with a guitar tattooed to their body.
I hope this helps. And remember girls: No job = no ring.
